Holy Crap! The World is Ending! By Anna-Marie Abell

 


Holy Crap! The World is Ending!
How a Trip to the Bookstore Led to
Sex with an Alien and the Destruction of Earth
The Anunnaki Chronicles
Book One
Anna-Marie Abell
Genre: Humorous Paranormal Romance
Publisher: Alien Abduction Press
Date of Publication: September 21, 2017
ISBN: 978-1-947119-01-7
ASIN: B071Z7YTW7
Number of pages: 349
Word Count: Just under 114,000
Tagline: End times are here! Now you can eat whatever you want and not care if you gain weight.
Book Description:
The president has announced that Earth is going to collide with a rogue moon, and in the process, our entire planet is going to be smashed to bits. As one would expect, upon hearing this news, humans went ballistic. It was as if every sports team in the world lost their championship game at the same time. No car was left unrolled—but oddly enough, Taco Bell remained open and made unfathomable profits in the last days. Apparently, Doritos Locos® Tacos were a popular last meal.
Autumn (who for the purpose of this retelling asked to be portrayed as drool-inducing hot with kick-ass ninja skills) has just been handed the task of saving all of humanity. With the help of her unbelievably sexy alien boyfriend and her kleptomaniac friend with fire-retardant hair, Autumn takes a spaceship and races to save her fellow humans by using the Ark of the Covenant. Along the way, she discovers how sheltered people are from the truth of extraterrestrials and their power to either protect us or destroy us.
Stupid government.
Grab a bottle of wine, a shipload of snacks, and prepare to take a ride on this humorous chick lit romantic sci-fi paranormal adventure. If you’re into Ancient Aliens, conspiracy theories, UFOs, crave a little sexy time in your reading, are curious if we were genetically engineered (like the Sumerian cuneiform texts claim), and are dying to find out the meaning of life, then this book is for you.
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What Reviewers Have to Say
“An unexpected story that promises to be one of the most creative fictional discoveries of the year…a fun approach to the entire save-the-Earth-from-alien-invasion scenario which successfully turns traditional approaches upside down.”- D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review
“A rollicking seat of your pants fun ride through the universe!”- Joan Silvestro, Booktrader of Hamilton
“An awesome read! Warm, witty–and thought provoking–a beach read that stays with you throughout the year!”- Aionios Books
“This book starts with a lot of humour, but quickly gets a very rich storyline with great characters and seriously… this ending? If you like to be blown away, you should read this!” – Esther, BiteIntoBooks
“Anna-Marie Abell has succeeded in weaving her years of study into in the ancient Sumerian culture and their gods with common conspiracy theories, pop culture and random human quirkiness into an out of this world end times romp that will have you laughing out loud at the most inappropriate times and possibly even shedding a tear or two before it’s all said and done.” – Jennifer, JennlyReads

 

Excerpt 2
He tenderly
swept my hair behind my ear and whispered, “I want you so bad right now.”
“Do you now?”
I bent to kiss
him. The instant we connected, electricity sizzled through our bodies.
Groaning, he hastily swapped our positions, so he was on top of me, and pressed
one leg between my thighs. One of his hands cupped my breast as he kissed my
neck; the other hand teased the skin just underneath my shirt.
“Boy, you don’t
waste any time, do you?” I breathed.
His sexy
half-smile lit up his face and he pressed his knee a little higher. The tingles
of an orgasm arose between my legs. No way am I going to last more than a
minute at this rate. Desperately needing things to progress more quickly, I
clawed at my clothes, trying to remove them.
Brushing his
lips against my ear, Rigel rumbled, “So impatient.” His hot breath against my
skin brought on the inevitable vibrations.
“Just a bit,” I
panted.
With a throaty
chuckle, he trailed his tongue along my cheek until he reached my mouth. He
lingered there, brushing his bottom lip against mine. One brush… then another.
“What are you
waiting for?” I protested.
“Just slowing
things down for you.”
“Well, stop it.”
I meant that to be playful, but my need practically had me snarling at him. He
was driving me insane.
With another
chuckle, he bit my bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth. The building pressure
in my core made me moan.
He grinned at
me. “If that set you off, you’d better get prepared for what I’m going to do
next.”
My heart
pounded. Oh, god. “You aren’t playing fair.”
Placing his arms
on either side of me, he brought his knee up, parting my legs until his thigh
pressed firmly against me.
I moaned again.
“Who said this
was going to be fair?” he said.
He rocked his
leg once. Another moan.
“Oh, so we’re
playing dirty?” Feeling gutsy from the lust, I used my fingernails to stoke the
growing bulge in his pants. I felt it twitch. I can’t believe I just did that!
He let out a
long breath and dove in for a kiss. Our lips parted, and he thoroughly claimed
my mouth. Any shyness I had melted away once his skilled tongue explored mine.
I gave back with the same intensity, my arms wrapping around his neck, fingers
lacing in his hair. He tasted like wine and honey. Our breathing became heavy,
moving in and out in sync.
The next thing I
knew, my shirt was off and flung on top of the lampshade. He carried me to his
bed and set me on the down comforter. The duvet was cool against my feverish
skin. Towering above me, Rigel stripped off his shirt, revealing his broad
chest. His muscles were taut, his skin smooth, abs rippling down to show a
faint trail of golden hair leading into his jeans.
“See something
you like?” he said.
Blushing, I
returned my greedy gaze to his face. Too much eye candy for a mere mortal to
handle. His hair was messy, partially falling into his face and artistically
shaping his features. That damn hair is such a turn-on.
I couldn’t wait.
I was as crazed as an impulse shopper on Black Friday, and Rigel was my
ten-dollar toaster oven. Pulling myself to my knees using his jean loops for
support, I gave his chest soft kisses. He still smelled of lavender, but now it
was mixed with a sweeter smell I couldn’t identify. It made me want to lick him
all over. Clutching the loops tighter, I began to explore.
As I moved lower
and lower with each kiss, his form danced and shone along the edges. I had to
rest my forehead against his abs and catch my breath. If I wasn’t careful, I
might pass out. When I went to unbutton his jeans, this untamed lust that
possessed me had my muscles contracting in anticipation, and I lost all ability
to use my hands. I couldn’t get the blasted button open.
“Dammit!”
With a playful
growl, Rigel thrust me back on the bed and finished undressing me… slowly. Way
too slowly. I didn’t know if it was because I was all revved up and ready to
go, or if he did it on purpose to drive me nuts, but either way it whipped me
into a frenzy. He slid one bra strap down, then the other. Reaching behind me,
he stroked my spine, and I arched my back to let him undo the fastener. As he
flung the bra across the room, his eyes blazed with anticipation of the feast
he was about to devour.
I was so
distracted by his firm pectoral muscles that it didn’t even register with me
that I was completely naked—until I saw he was twirling my panties around on
his pinky finger, one corner of his mouth quirked in a smile.
“How did you do
that?”
With a smirk he
answered, “One of my gifts.”
The bastard knew
I was about to burst with anticipation, so he taunted me further by slowly
undressing himself. First he undid the button on his jeans, then his fingers
moved to open the zipper. Inch by inch he unzipped it.
“You are pure
evil,” I breathed.
He pulled back
one side, then the other. No underwear. I gasped. The jeans slid to the ground.
Oh… my… god. He
was getting a five-star rating on Yelp first thing in the morning.
Unable to take
my eyes from it, I said, “That can’t be street legal.”

 

“No, but it
makes for a hell of a ride.”
 
About the Author:
Anna-Marie Abell grew up in a trailer park. Well, several actually. Her trailer was on wheels so she got to experience the Pacific Northwest’s vast array of mobile home parks as her parents moved her from one to the other. Somewhere along the way, she got totally into UFOs. Probably because she was hoping extraterrestrials would come and abduct her. But they never did. Luckily for her she was smart, because her only hope of escaping trailer life was college and a full scholarship. Moving to sunny California on her almost full ride to Chapman University, she was well on her way to her new life. Two bachelor degrees later (Film and Television Production and Media Performance), and several honors and awards for her accomplishments, she managed to start working in an almost completely unrelated industry from her majors: infomercials.
It was in college that she got bit by the “ancient alien” bug after listening to Zecharia Sitchin on Coast to Coast AM. In her pursuit to uncover the truth, she has spent the last twenty years researching the ancient Sumerian culture—in particular their “gods” called the Anunnaki—and their connection to the creation of the human race. What she found changed her life, her beliefs, and her understanding of the universe and everything beyond. Her humorous science fiction trilogy, The Anunnaki Chronicles, is a culmination of all her research, her borderline obsession for all things paranormal, and approximately 2,300 bottles of wine.

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Bitter Harvest Series by Ann Gimpel

 
Deceived
Bitter Harvest
Book One
Ann Gimpel
Magic shattered the world, but the worst is yet to come.
“Provocative and engaging. A fast-paced, supernatural ride.” Michelle Fox, NYT Bestselling Author
Book Description:
The sea may have been a harsh mistress, but Viktor longs for the challenges of wind and weather, for the sound of waves crashing over his hull. Turned by a Master Vampire, he hates what he’s become, but there’s no escape. Not from Ushuaia that’s turned into a city of bones, or from the Vampire who rules him.
Ketha and eleven other Shifters traveled to Ushuaia to harness the power of an eclipse and were trapped there when the world turned upside down. Ten years later, they’re staying one step ahead of Vampires who blame them for the cataclysm.
With her luck running low, Ketha turns her badly depleted magic on the Vampire assigned to lock her away and gets sucked in by her own spell. Maybe magic can’t save the world, but love might be able to salvage what’s left.
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Deceived Excerpt:
…..Ketha woke
in the middle of a dozen Vamps. Iron burned her skin where manacles circled her
ankles and wrists. If she’d thought the smell was bad before, it was an
absolute reeking horror now. Vampires smelled of blood and death and rot. How
could any Shifters worth their vows align themselves with these bastards?
Taking care to be stealthy, she glanced about an oval room, inlaid with wood.
It had a church-ish feel that was clinched when she spied a Christ figure
attached to one wall.
Close to a dozen
Vamps crowded into the space. All of them held an eerie beauty, but Ketha
wasn’t fooled. Their striking good looks ran less than skin deep. Skilled,
ruthless killers, they counted on blood to survive. Living blood. Blood tapped
from dead things ran a poor second.
The back of her
head throbbed painfully, and she shut her eyes to buy herself time to think.
Maybe no one had noticed she wasn’t unconscious. The Vamp standing nearest
kicked her, right before he ordered her to wake up.
She flinched
away from her attacker. Eyes flickering open, she regarded the one who’d struck
her. Long, dark hair fell around his perfect face, and he augured fog-colored
eyes her way. Ketha edged beyond easy reach of his booted feet into a sit,
awkward because of her bound limbs. She didn’t waste words telling him she was
already awake, or that no one could rest easy in their midst. She stared at a
newly dead rat clutched in his hand and beat back a knowing smile. If they were
using rats for blood, the Vampires were in as desperate a predicament as she’d
assumed.
“You’ve captured
me,” she sneered, opting for defiance. “Now what? Do I get to be everyone’s
dinner?” She swung her head from side to side, encompassing the room full of
Vamps. “At least remove my shackles. If I’m going to die, I’d rather face you
as a wolf.”
The rat-wielding
Vamp didn’t answer.
“I’m Ketha.” She
held onto her slender advantage and flowed to her feet. Once she got her
balance, she folded her arms as best she could beneath the swell of her
breasts. “Rat got your tongue?” She jerked her chin at the rodent still
clutched in the Vamp’s hand.
Before he could
answer, she kept right on rolling, taunting him. “If you’re going to kill me,
get on with it, but know this—” She summoned what magic she could, given the
iron circling her wrists and ankles. The air about her shimmered with the blues
and golds unique to her castings. “You will never escape Ushuaia without us.”
The Vamp faced
off against her. “What makes you think we want to escape, Shifter?”
Ketha shrugged,
favoring him with the full force of her gaze. “You like it here? Soon there
won’t be anything left to eat or drink, and then all of us will die. Even
Vamps. But if you’re good with that”—another shrug she hoped spoke for
itself—“I suppose there’s nothing to talk about. Go on.” She made shooing
motions with her bound hands. “Get on with it. I’m prepared to die. We don’t
have too many more months here at the ass end of the world before none of us
will be left. Take a chance, Vampire. Face my wolf.”
The Vamp smiled
coldly. “I’ll pass. I suppose you have the answer to all our problems.”
“I do.” Ketha
let a small, secretive smile play about her mouth. “But I’ll never tell you.
Funny thing about being captured. It quiets the tongue.”
The Vampire’s
chilly expression didn’t change. “Show some respect. No one addresses me that
way.”
“It appears I
just did.” Ketha tossed her shoulders back. She’d be damned if she’d let the
blood-sucking bastard intimidate her. “You need us. Unfortunately, we need you
as well, but what I had in mind was equal partners at a conference table, not
being knocked over the head and dragged here.”
Satisfaction
warmed her when a vein throbbed in the Vamp’s temple before he crushed the rat
to bits of bone and tissue, splattering her with blood. Apparently, she’d
gotten to him. What that meant remained to be seen. He summoned one of the
others, a Vamp named Viktor. Ketha watched with interest when the other
Vampire—clearly some minion—didn’t race to comply, but took his sweet time
making his way to where they stood.
Another gorgeous
man. This one had copper-colored hair that fell to his shoulders. A high
forehead, square jaw, and emerald eyes made him movie star dazzling. Ketha bit
down on her lower lip to force her thoughts away from his allure. Like the
other Vampires, he was dressed in a motley collection of rags. Either they
couldn’t sew—or they had no idea how to create garments that resisted decay.
As Viktor drew
near, she assessed him with magic and shielded her surprise. He didn’t feel anything
like the one with bloody rat remains on his hands, and the characteristic rot
smell was absent Moving with the unholy speed characteristic of his breed,
Rat-Vamp slapped cuffs atop her manacles and snapped, “Take her to the caves,”
all but shoving her into Viktor’s arms.
Viktor latched a
hand firmly around Ketha’s elbow, focused his attention on the other Vampire,
and asked, “What then?”
Rat-Vamp sent a
sharp look his way. “Lock her up and return. I’ll decide her fate once she
tells us whatever she knows about escaping Ushuaia.”
“I already
explained how that would happen.” Ketha made her tone pointed. No reason to be
subtle around these fuckers; they didn’t deal in nuance. “At a conference table
as an equal. So long as you hold me captive, my wolf and I will die before we
help you do anything.”
Rat-Vamp shifted
his gaze her way. “It appears we’re at a stalemate. Perhaps some cell time will
alter your perspective.”
“Don’t count on
it.”
She turned her
magic toward Viktor, wanting to know what was in his mind. The answer shocked
and thrilled her. This one was different, malleable. It wasn’t her imagination
that he’d dragged his heels reacting to Rat-Vamp’s command. Viktor might be her
ticket to freedom. He might actually let her go—if she played her cards right.
“Lead out.” She
hip-butted him to spur him into action. “This room stinks of Vampires, and it’s
giving me a headache.”
Rat-Vamp snarled
and lunged for her, wrapping his hands around her shoulders and shaking her
until her teeth rattled. “Never forget who runs things in Ushuaia. This is
blood’s dominion. My dominion.”
Ketha stood her
ground. “Funny, but I thought I and my Shifters were in charge. Besides, if you
were going to kill me, I’d already be dead.” Ketha could’ve said more. Could
have voiced her suspicion that he was intrigued by what she’d said, but she
opted to keep her mouth shut. The sooner the weak one left with her, the sooner
she’d be free.
Hopefully.
Rat-Vamp drew
back his lips and extended his fangs, bloody from his earlier skirmish with the
rat, but he didn’t say anything further before Viktor herded her from the room.
“Remain quiet,”
Viktor said sternly and shepherded her toward a stairwell. “Vampires have
excellent hearing.”
Ketha took a
chance. Easy enough since she had nothing to lose. Could he hear telepathy? Now
was as good a time as any to find out. “I’m sure they do, and you don’t want
them to know what’s in your mind. Lucky for you, Vamp magic can’t hold a candle
to mine, even bound as I am by iron.”

 

They’d started
down stairs dimly illuminated by long-unwashed windows. A startled look flashed
across his face, and it gave her hope. “Son of a bitch. You heard me.”
 
Twisted
Bitter Harvest
Book Two
Ann Gimpel
Book Description:
A small group of Shifters sails south from Ushuaia, determined to assess what’s left of the world. A Vampire attack, a possessed priest, and a gateway to Hell mean fallout from the spell gone bad that pinned them in Ushuaia for years is far from gone.
Back on a ship again, Juan reconstructs what’s always been a comfort zone. The sea is the only life he’s ever known—if you don’t count the ten years he spent as a Vampire. His new magic, fueled by a bond with a mountain cat, brings its own set of challenges, but they pale in comparison with the white-hot need knifing through him whenever Aura is anywhere close.
A historian by trade, Aura deals in prophecies for her Shifter pack. Attraction for Juan ignited when they fought the Cataclysm, but she figures he left a string of broken hearts during his years as chief navigator on cruise ships. They have to work together. A self-indulgent affair could ruin everything. She does her damnedest to keep distance between them, but the ship’s not big enough to escape yearning for a future together.
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Twisted Excerpt:
“Watch it!” Her
cat was near the surface, and a snarling hiss punctuated its words.
Aura ground to a
halt. She’d pulled well ahead of everyone else with her leggy stride. Viktor
and Ketha strolled with their arms wrapped around each other as lovers often
did. Karin and Rowana brought up the rear, chatting.
“Watch what?”
she asked her bond animal.
“I caught a
whiff of wrongness. Check for yourself.”
“What is it?”
Ketha pulled up next to her. “Why’d you stop?”
“My cat thinks
something’s not right.”
Viktor slipped
the rifle off his shoulder in a fast, fluid motion that spoke to his familiarity
with it.
Aura shut her
eyes, urging her senses to preternatural sharpness. Something unpleasant and
eerily familiar zapped her. She curled her hands into fists and dug deeper. She
had to be wrong.
Before she was
through dissecting what she sensed lay beyond, perhaps in the barracks a couple
hundred yards away, Ketha muttered, “Shit! It isn’t possible.”
Aura opened her
eyes and gripped the other Shifter’s arm. “You picked up on Vampire emanations,
right?”
Ketha nodded,
eyes wide with disbelief. “How? They’re all supposed to have transformed into
humans or Shifters.”
“Why are you
talking about Vampires, dearie?” Rowana asked. She and Karin had finally caught
up with them.
“I have no idea
how,” Aura gritted out the words, “but they’re here.”
Karin narrowed
her eyes to slits. “Vampires? Don’t be ridiculous. The Cataclysm altered them,
removed the Vampire mutation in their DNA.”
“Or not.” Rowana
twisted her face into a grimace.
“Check for
yourself,” Ketha told the other two women.
Aura scrubbed
the heels of her hands down her face, urging rational thought, and then scanned
the place that felt menacing one more time. “It’s not quite right for Vampire,
at least not the Ushuaia variety,” she muttered.
“Not exactly,”
Ketha agreed. “But there are at least two of whatever they are, and their
emanations are closer to Vamp than anything else.”
“The question of
the hour,” Viktor said, “is whether we move forward or retreat. It’s a group
decision.”
Aura thought
about it, and when she spoke, her words came hard. “We left Ushuaia to figure
out what was left in the rest of the world. If we turn tail and run the first
time we encounter anything, we may as well never have set sail.”
Viktor grinned
wryly. “Spoken like a true explorer. Shackleton would have been proud of you.”
“I remember
reading about him,” Aura muttered. “If this is Grytviken, isn’t he buried
here?”
“He is, indeed,”
Viktor said. “His grave is on the far side of the post office, but only because
his wife told the ship with his remains to bring him back here. I guess he was
quite the philanderer, and she wasn’t interested in footing the expense of
bringing his cheating ass home.”
“Interesting,”
Aura said, “but we’re stalling. My vote is to see what the hell feels like
Vampire.”
“Mine too,”
Rowana said.
“I’m in,” Karin
said. “If we could survive Armageddon against the Cataclysm, how hard could
this be?”
Viktor cocked
his head to one side. “Depends. If they’re Vamps, only beheading with iron will
do them in.”
“Maybe they’ll
be friendly.” Ketha screwed her face into what might have been a hopeful
expression, except it came off more like a grimace.
“Friendly and
Vampire in the same sentence is an oxymoron,” Viktor said in a flat, dead tone.
“It appears we’re all game, so all of you get behind me and stay close. Deploy
your magic. It’s still far more finely honed than mine.” He shouldered the
rifle. “If I have to, I’ll use this. It should at least slow them down.”
 
About the Author:
Ann Gimpel is a mountaineer at heart. Recently retired from a long career as a psychologist, she remembers many hours at her desk where her body may have been stuck inside four walls, but her soul was planning yet one more trip to the backcountry. Around the turn of the last century (that would be 2000, not 1900!), she managed to finagle moving to the Eastern Sierra, a mecca for those in love with the mountains. It was during long backcountry treks that Ann’s writing evolved. Unlike some who see the backcountry as an excuse to drag friends and relatives along, Ann prefers solitude. Stories always ran around in her head on those journeys, sometimes as a hedge against abject terror when challenging conditions made her fear for her life, sometimes for company. Eventually, she returned from a trip and sat down at the computer. Three months later, a five hundred page novel emerged. Oh, it wasn’t very good, but it was a beginning. And, she learned a lot between writing that novel and its sequel.
Around that time, a friend of hers suggested she try her hand at short stories. It didn’t take long before that first story found its way into print and they’ve been accepted pretty regularly since then. One of Ann’s passions has always been ecology, so her tales often have a green twist.
In addition to writing, Ann enjoys wilderness photography. She lugs pounds of camera equipment in her backpack to distant locales every year. A standing joke is that over ten percent of her pack weight is camera gear which means someone else has to carry the food! That someone is her husband. They’ve shared a life together for a very long time. Children, grandchildren and three wolf hybrids round out their family.
Find Ann At:

Happy Place by L.P. Maxa

Happy
Place
L.P.
Maxa
Genre: Romance
Publisher: Boroughs Publishing
Group
Date of Publication:  December 20th 2016
ISBN: 978-1541227-91-0 – print
ISBN: 978-1-944262-56-3 – ebook
ASIN:  B01MT15T5J
Number of pages:  162
Word Count: 50,260
Cover Artist: Boroughs Publishing
Group
Tagline:    Secrets, lies, Christmas, and a fake
wedding. What could go wrong?
Book Description:
Two years after spending one
blissful night with her lifelong crush, Cassie Huntington meets Declan Preston
again during the Christmas season, and secrets and lies turn into a fake
wedding that just might save their love.
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Kobo     iTunes


 
 
It happens every year, 
make something different, dear.
And I do try,
with the help of lots of wine, 
to come up with something extraordinaire.
 
Sweet with bite,
the Texas way, starts with
one 12 oz. bag of cranberries.
The kick’s a must, 
we’re all about balance, don’t you know,
3 fresh seeded jalapeños.
 
Savory, the ultimate yum,
means 1/2 medium purple onion.
Don’t forget his smaller cousins,
add in 2 green onions.
 
The leaves and seasoning are a must,
1/2 cup cilantro,
one teaspoon salt, 
1/2 cup sugar, and
1 tablespoon lemon juice – then halt.
 
No magic wand needed to put it all together, 
rough chop all ingredients,
toss in a big bowl and let refrigerate for 1 to 2 hours.
 
When you’re ready to munch,
serve with chips or crackers for a delicious holiday brunch.
 
 

 

About
the Author:
L.P. lives in Austin, Texas with
her husband, daughter, three rescue dogs, and one adopted cat. The fish died.
She is a full-time writer, and part time business owner. L.P. says she loves to
read as much as she loves to write, and reading a good book is her reward after
writing one. In her spare time, she fosters puppies for a rescue organization
based in Austin.
Website: http://www.lpmaxa.com

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